Comedy Catastrophe

Well it's all kicking off here again with the whole 'whats acceptable in comedy' debate, and as you may expect I'm here at the front line doing my bit in support. I'm not going to stand by and watch as my country goes to pot at the hands of some foul mouthed comedians. It's not on. It all started when Russel Grant left an obscene answer phone message on Del Boy's mobile. Which, although it was a while ago, is still very much a sore subject for me. I mean voicemail is hard enough to work out as it is, the last thing you need after dealing with the whole automated keypad stuff is to be faced with a load of abuse. It's ridiculous. So I'm standing up and saying no to offensive comedy, I'm trying to get us back to the good old days of gentle comedy such as Morcambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies and 999: Life Savers, good quality programming that didn't offend anyone.

I think the majority of the blame lies at the feet of the BBC, you know, don't get me wrong, they do some cracking programming, my day never really starts until Cash in The Attic. But that said I think they're standards are slipping, it's even seeping into none comedy shows now, I was watching an episode of the Dog Whisperer the other day and some of the language coming out of that fella's mouth was unbelievable. 'Bitch' this, 'bitch' that, it was absolutely ridiculous, the dog didn't deserve that. I even thought I heard Huw Edwards say 'fuck the queen' once but in retrospect I think he just said 'cook with steam' it was a report about healthier eating or something but still. The BBC needs to stop pandering to the lowest common denominator by producing crude, unnecessary, insulting rubbish. They need to start by getting rid of those testosterone fueled panel shows, it's just silly little boys trying to say the most offensive jokes. The same thing happened with Call My Bluff, that was nice enough to begin with but then Sandi Toksvig starts sprouting off all these blatant lies and it just became a farce. Luckily they cancelled it after Bob Holness said a racist joke so at least they learnt their lesson then.

So I am proud to announce the formation of the charity Unkind Comedy Not Tolerated or UCNT for short. With this there will be the start of the 'Clean Not Mean' campaign, this is going to attempt to sort through the tide of unsuitable comedy so we are left with the nice ones. We are going to do this by trying to establish a law that says any new joke needs to be Ok'ed by a panel of judges including David Cameron, Trisha and the editor of the Daily Mail. I think in this climate of controversy these are the only sound-minded people we can turn to, please support me in this fight and remember 'Be A Friend: Don't Offend.'

Jerry x

Protestman Pat

I for one am in full support of the strikes at Royal Mail, these guys are standing up for what they believe in and so they should. We have to stick it to the man and show him we're not going to be messed around, we have to show that we are all equal and deserve a decent pay for a decent days work. Forget all else we need to fight for what we know is right!

That said, it is a doubled edged sword for me as I have been waiting for a Cat Stevens CD to come from Amazon and as yet it hasn't arrived. It was supposed to come last week the same day as the strike but for obvious reasons it didn't, that's fine I don't mind it's all part of the game we play, as a protest singer and freelance activist I have to be willing to compromise and accept certain sacrifices in order to get our way, but seriously, it's been two weeks now since I ordered it. I emailed the customer support team at Amazon and they have assured me it has been dispatched but there's still no sign of it. Come on guys, I truly understand the need to strike, OK, you know if you're not getting paid fairly then the best thing to do is stop working but you know, you're not on strike now so there's no excuse for shoddy workmanship. I've missed out on three days of protesting and that's just because I had to wait in for the post. We don't have a big letter box at my flat you see, so I have to be there to accept packages and larger letters because if I don't then they deliver them to next door and he never gives them back. And if you're reading this Gary; then yes I mean you! I'm still waiting for the third season of Lost, season four has already arrived but I have absolutely no idea what's going on now. I literally am lost.

Anyway keep fighting the system guys you have my support.

Jerry x

Stop Chewin' the Fat!

Hey blog readers,

I was watching the news this morning and I saw something so shocking that I spat my Cinnamon Grahams across the room. Apparently some of us are making fun of fat people! What is going on in the world if you can't be bigger boned without someone shouting 'chub monster' at you? It's not on. They are trying to bring in a law that states that making fun of people larger than the average is a hate crime up there with jibes at race, age and religion and I for one am supporting this movement.

This 'fatism' is everywhere, in fact just the other day I was in a branch of Starbucks and they asked if I wanted a 'skinny latte', well I'm not going to stand for that, so I told them, I'd like a full fat latte because it doesn't matter what size it is they're all equal. As it happened I only drank half, I threw the rest away it was awful. Too sickly and creamy, it was like drinking paint. And it had chunks in it. But I think the message is still clear - 'Fight the Fatist!'. Although it's early days I'm working on getting a group together to fight this injustice and prejudice, I think we could make people rethink things and really make a difference in the world. I've set up a Facebook group, so far there are three members, check it out - facebook.com/fatface!

Apparently this law that they're trying to bring in has come from America which is no surprise. They're really good at getting in early with this sort of thing. It aims to get those that make fun of fatties arrested, which is a great thing. I do believe it's a problem up their with racism. You know if we'd all been doing our bit properly this would have come up much sooner and 'Crash' would have been a completely different film. Well it would have been a completely different crash, I mean if the racists were quite chubby then there would have been less chance of the airbag deploying which could have caused a whole load of extra complications. That wouldn't have been good. Plus there would have been excess chaffing from the seat belts. Drive safe.

It is anyone's right to be big or small, everyone can look however they want as long as they're happy, they can exercise or not depending on if they can be bothered and no one can say anything against it! Come on people widen your minds as well as your waist bands! Don't be mentally anorexic! Stuff yourself with this information to lead a healthier lifestyle! I like that! That could form part of a new song to help raise awareness, it could be called 'Feed the World - Whilst Following a Daily Fitness Regime!' - watch this space.

So I hope I've brought this to your attention and made you think. Remember guys 'Fat is Phat'!

Peace out!

Jerry x