It's all Greek to me (except it's not, it's American)

Alright.

I just thought I’d write down a couple of my thoughts on the US Presidential Elections – everyone else is doing it, so I thought why not?

Choosing between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama is not easy. It’s like trying to decide between Sting’s solo work and his time in the Police or sweet and salted popcorn or Ant and Dec. No one wants to make these difficult decisions; it will affect everyone, it could potentially rip the cinema snack industry in half and it will certainly leave a lot of people upset, mainly Ant. Whatever the case; please vote, you Americans. It’s important. It doesn’t matter who you vote for, it’s the taking part that counts. I supported Barack Obama last time because a lot of my best friends are American. Well, not loads of them, but some. Mainly one bloke, Ethan, who I have a pen-pal relationship with. I’m not entire convinced he’s not on death row for something serious, but each to their own. ‘Penitentiary’ is American for ‘prison’ right?

I know a lot of Americans are getting angry at us non-USers for sharing our opinions, because they feel the outcome of the election doesn’t affect us, but with respect, I think they’re wrong. If you look at the film Independence Day (brilliant, isn’t it?) the story only really shows us the effects of an Alien invasion on the USA and, in particular, the President of said USA. If we didn’t pay an interest in American politics then our enjoyment of future disaster movies, and their political context, hangs in the balance. I don't want any old so-and-so saving the world with Jeff Goldblum.

I’m a liberal (I think), so you would assume that I would be backing Mr. Obama himself, however being liberal (and a full time activist) I believe in equality; so in my mind the best solution would be letting them both have a crack at it. It is clearly working here in the UK, David Cameron and the other bloke in the Coalition are showing a united front on every decision; from looking after single mums, to caring for the needs of the elderly, from steadying the path of today’s students to helping those what can’t afford to live in London to move miles and miles away from there. Yes, they are making some unpopular choices, but then which politicians don’t? Look at John Major and Edwina Currie. I think the best solution is to let Romney and Obama join forces, at the very least it might create some Odd Couple-style relationship which would make a great reality television series.*

I’m glad I’m not American. I say that because I wouldn't want to be in their shoes at the voting booths, primarily because there seems to be a lot of waiting around. I get a lot of my footwear from Shoe Zone and I’ll be honest; it doesn't hold up to much - I just wore out a pair of espadrilles queuing for the Log Flume at Alton Towers. Nevertheless, I wish every American person the best when voting. Follow your heart;do what you think is right, feel the force.

Ask yourself this: do you vote for Barack Obama who has done an OK job so far by; being black, giving healthcare to poorly poor people, going ahead with tax cuts even thought they helped create jobs and slow down the recession, getting troops out of other countries, killing bad Muslim men, being a feminist, liking gay couples, being black – the list goes on.

Or do you vote for Mitt Romney who doesn’t let religion cloud his judgment but actually inform it and who will solve the economy in no specific terms, help out his super rich friends so that they’ll help you through the goodness of their hearts, motivate unemployed people by cutting off their money, get lazy mums working again, support diversity (within reason) and leave the housing crisis to sort itself out. A guy who is pro anti-abortion, anti-affordable healthcare, anti-letting gay people get married and pro-allegedly darkening his skin colour to show his support for ethnic people?

See; I never said it was easy, did I?

Whatever happens in this crazy world that we call…elections, at least we can take some comfort from knowing that whichever side people come down on, the world will still have Sting, in some capacity. God Bless America and all who vote in her.



* If you’re a TV person, get in touch.

For Sale: Second Hand Television Centre

Hey gang,

So, I've just heard that the BBC have put plans into action to sell off Television Centre. I am livid! For a start the market's in no fit state to sell anything. I've been trying to find a new flat recently - it's damp; long story (well it's not, we just have damp) but I'm struggling to sell. And I'm renting! Probably why they won't let me sell it.

Nevertheless it's not the time for the Beeb to be making any rash decisions. Do they not watch Location, Location, Location? Oh, maybe not, what with them being rivals an that. It is Channel4 after all. Well, Homes Under the Hammer then? OK, it's not as good but they do have Top Tips for selling a property.

Anyway, the main reason for my disapproval is because it's such an important part of my childhood. I grew up watching shows broadcast live from TV Centre and don't want to see that disappear. I've spent a lot of my protesting years there too; I once demonstrated against Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time. Well, it didn't quite work out like that. In the end it turned out I was next to the Gardner's Question Time studio. Monty Don didn't know what was going on! And of course, there's the famous incident where the Sex Pistols swore during a live broadcast of the Today show. I know that was on Thames television but still, I think the effects of the attack on censorship was felt in TV studios the world over. It certainly did in Bristol. I've never managed such an act of disobedience on live TV. I once chucked a 'nob' into a recording of Jeremy Kyle but they edited it out. Shame.

So, that's my thoughts on the closing of Television Centre! Don't do it! It would be a travesty, a failure, a loss to our national cultural and social heritage. That, and the opening credits of Live and Kicking would date dramatically.

Think on BBC!

Cheers,

Jerry x

Nobody's AVin' any change

Well guys I'm not going to lie to you, I'm depressed.

I've just heard that AV has been outvoted in favour of what's gone before. I'm proper gutted. I'm guessing that it was because people didn't know, didn't care or didn't understand - to be fair, I didn't quite get it myself but I know Cameron was against it and I'm all for sticking it to the man so I voted 'yes'. Well, I wanted to.

Unfortunately it turns out I'm not a registered voter! I know! What rubbish. I live in a flat don't I? I'm British, aren't I? So why can I not vote? It turns out it's because I haven't registered myself. Fair dos. It's not actually my fault though, it's Brillo's fault. Brillo's my flat mate and when we moved in I asked him to sort out the council tax but he obviously forgot. That's fair enough; he's a busy guy - he's currently part of an surreal anti-authority artistic movement, he stands up again oppression using art installations as his weapons. Basically, he runs round shopping centres when he's painted his arse blue. Even so, if he'd sorted out the Council Tax liked I'd asked then I may have been registered in time to vote. It's like I keep saying to him 'smashing the system is all well and good mate, but if you can't even sort a simple piece of accommodational admin then we'll never get anything done.'

Anyway, it's a shame AV didn't make it in as I was trying to tie it in to a new campaign I'm starting up to help raise awareness of intolerance towards deaf and blind people (ie those that are impaired audioally and visually). It was going to be called 'Yes2AV4AV' and the slogan would have been 'see hear!' Anyway I never got it sorted in time, as I was setting up with a deaf lad called Mike Packem but I rang his mobile to finalise details the other week and he never answered. Probably forgot to put it on vibrate. Oh well, there's always next time.


Keep on fighting guys!


Jerry x

A Right Royal Day!

Well guys,

Friday was the Official Royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middle-class (that's just a joke based on the fact she's well off and her name's Middleton). Now as a protester I am dead against the Royal family, so I decided to stage a demonstration against a street party being held near my home in Bristol.

My problem with the Royal family is this: I find the whole thing an elitist and upper-class example of how the bourgeois look down on us and command us to do their bidding. OK a lot has changed in recent years but I find the entire institution an outdated and negative spectacle which sends our modern and multicultural society back into the dark ages.

That said, I had a wonderful day!

I was stood in the middle of the road with my placards* and megaphone trying to drum up some support but no one was having it. Three hours I was there! I almost gave up and went home then Pat from number 32 came out with a bottle of Tuborg and a slice of pork pie! God bless her. I tried to resist at first but then you'd be surprised how moist Melton Mowbray pies are - delicious! Anyway, she invited me round to join her folks and I'll be honest I had a whale of a time! There were cocktails, a buffet and even a paddling pool! Get in! I didn't leave till gone 2am. Wild night!

So this is just a shout out to Pat, Geoff, Nigel, Sue and the kids! Peace to the Benchwood Road massive!

However I still believe the wedding is a symbol of elitist oppression.

Best,


Jerry x

*(the placards read: 'Down with the Uppers' - it was meant to suggest the over-throwing of the higher classes, in retrospect it looked like I was selling A-class narcotics. In fact I was approached several times. Oh and if Speedo Jim is reading this then I hope you found your dealer.)

Censeless!

Well folks,

I got my Census through the door the other day, as I'm sure you did. Have you filled yours in yet? I haven't. And I don't intend to. You'd be a fool to do it. It's just another way for the Government to keep tabs on you! I'm not falling for their traps! If The Man wants to know what I'm up to and when and where then he can ask me face to face.

I don't like giving too much information away as it means you can be traced. Like Matt Damon in that film - Good Will Hunting. They knew his every move. I very nearly didn't sign up for a Tesco's Club Card for the same reason. They asked too many questions. In the end I went for it. Yeah, they might know my shopping habits but at least this ways I get points for buying my Kumquats!

So just remember guys don't be handing out your personal information to just anyone -it's not safe! Only trust certain people. Like this guy I've been emailing, Prince Abalakiki. Apparently he's looking for some help. He needs the funds to return home to Nigeria - I think he's in Peckham at the moment - and he approached me directly. Obviously he knows what good I do and so has been modest enough to ask himself. I'm only too happy to help. Now if only I can remember the name of my first pet...

see you guys!


Jerry x

Back on the Blog!

Hi Guys!

Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while but it's been all go my end! I tell you, this last few months in particular has seen a positive boom in protesting, which is brilliant. On the flipside of that though, it means there's been an increase in crimes against human rights, animals and the enviroment, but hey ho, it's swings and round abouts. And if it wasn't for injustices then I'd be out of a job. My protesting job that is, not my part time work at JD Wetherspoons. I couldn't do without that!

Anyway I want to start this message with a quick congrats to all my Eygptian friends! Hats off to you guys for noticing a problem with the government and kick out Barak Obama! Never liked him anyway. It just goes to show that standing up against oppression will get you seen. It also goes to show that errecting camping sites in city centres is a useful and successful means of housing. Which is what my new campaign is about. I'm hoping to speak to the Mayor of London - Boris Johnson himself, about my new idea for a tent site in Trafalga Square. The scheme's called Centre Parkers and is aiming to house the homeless in urban areas. It's a bit like Butlins but for tramps.

Right well I can't hang around him all day telling you all about my ideas, I have to go put them into practice. But my heart goes out to those guys in Libya - you can do it. I've never liked that Colonel Gaddafi anyway. He's a right pain. I know what it's like trying to get rid of someone you don't want. I once had a mate who stayed over for a night. That turned into three weeks, and he never once did the washing up. In the end I just had to ask him politely to leave. It worked. Try it, you never know.

All the best and much love,

Jerry x

Long time no write!

Hey gang,

I'm sorry it's taken so long to get another message up but I've had a right month of it. There's no rest for the protester. Literally! I did a sponsored stay awake session in demonstration of the cruelty that goes on in the nocturnal section of Chester zoo! Apparently, it's been reported in the papers, the keepers there have been mistreating the likes of bats and owls by messing with their heads. I've heard that they've been leaving the lights on at night and training the cockerels to crow at seven in the evening instead of the morning and frying off bacon at night. It's getting so bad that the foxes are going mental, apparently the other day one of them got caught up in a rope swing. People were saying it was suicide but I think it's more likely that he was just half asleep and didn't see where he was going. 94 hours I stayed up! I was absolutely knackered, it got to the point where I was washing down Pro Plus with Red Bull =, mind you that back fired. I was only supposed to stay awake for 48! I spent the rest of the time wired on the biggest come down ever. Having said that I did spend a lot of my time watching BBC's learning zone, so now I'm quite good at sign language, which works out perfectly for my next campaign. It's a charity attempting to tackle the prejudice that faces people that cannot hear. It's called Deaf Threats. More on that soon.

As well as that I've been helping Children In Need. Not the programme, I've been working at my local remand centre helping to get unruly kids back on the straight and narrow. It's been challenging but ultimately rewarding. I was working with one lad in particular who was in for ABH, nice lad, really good at Boggle. But anyway when I first started there he was a bit unsure but by the end I think I'd won him round. He even said 'The next time I'm gonna deck someone I'll think about you'. Just hearing those words was payment enough. That said, I still charged for my services. Volunteering is a noble profession but it doesn't keep you in dishwasher tablets.

That's all for now, speak soon!

Jerry x